Dying to Meet Him: Learning How to Die
Gabrielle "Elle" Devenish, a 30-year-old single Christian woman, was told by doctors that she has 6 months to a year to live.
"My heart, lungs, bones and muscles have all deteriorated beyond repair, according to doctors. My white blood cell count continues to match that of a last-stage chemo patient and my electrolytes are always on the edge."
For Elle's full Bio, click here.
Get Our Latest News for FREE
Learning How to Die
Originally posted February 7, 2012
"It's a role reversal. You're teaching me. You're teaching me ... how to die."
Those were my father's words, yesterday, to me, and again in a therapy visit from the social worker today.
I don't know. I'm nothing, just a vessel doing what I think God wants me to do. I am experiencing a relationship with Him right now that words cannot describe. Just to know He loves me, He wants to BE with me, I'm PERFECT (He doesn't see my sin, He sees ME – the sin He's forgiven back at the Cross).
To know that I can never disappoint Him, I never have to TRY HARDER for His love or His approval. I am His precious creation – the apple of His eye (Ps. 17:8).
It leaves me breathless and speechless – all I can do is just cry for how deep and wide that is.
It's hurtful when people don't see that, and think there's something I need to do to change, to just get better, to just be better. Some people want to "fix" me, saying that if I just repented from sin I would be healed. If I just did this or just did that. It's hurtful to me because I then become the bad person, the horrible sinner.
There is none of that with Jesus. There are no "If only…" with Him. He loves me, has always loved me and will always love me, despite anything else. I'm sad for those who can't know that as deeply and intimately as I do.
If that's what "dying" is, I love it. I love the close intimate relationship I enjoy with my Savior, and if dying just means I get to meet my Best Friend, My Daddy, My King face-to-face, then heck, I can't wait. I know what that feels like – I have died already, briefly, and I can't wait to experience heaven for good.
It's not suicidal, it's looking forward to the life everyone should look forward to – an eternal life with Him, awash in His love.
Support Elle Devenish here.
Check back with CP soon for more updates on Elle's condition in "Dying to Meet Him."
