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Abuse has been mischaracterized as 'women’s issues'

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For far too long, abuse and violence have been mischaracterized as “women’s issues,” something reserved for women to address, advocate against, and heal from. This deflection allows men — who overwhelmingly commit the majority of violent offenses — to sidestep accountability and responsibility.

Within Christian faith communities, this reality is painfully pronounced. Women have borne the burden of mopping up the mess after abuse is perpetrated, whether by taking on the job of speaking out, or simply healing in silence. They have carried the emotional labor of protecting children, supporting survivors, and calling for justice — all while facing opposition from leaders who would rather comfortably maintain the status quo than confront evil within their own ranks.

Domestic abuse is a pervasive — if often-hidden — issue that affects individuals across all communities, including those within the Christian faith. According to research data:

  • About 41% of women and 26% of men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime (National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey).
  • Both men and women can be victims of domestic violence, but 85% are women. (Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, U.S. Department of Justice).
  • Religious couples in heterosexual relationships do not have an advantage over secular couples or less/mixed religious couples. Measures of intimate partner violence (IPV) — which includes physical abuse, as well as sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and controlling behaviors — do not differ in a statistically significant way by religiosity in research across 11 countries (Institute for Family Studies).

Possibly the most heartbreaking reality of all is that these statistics are not better inside the Christian community. “Research indicates that approximately one in four women experience severe physical violence from an intimate partner, a statistic that holds true both inside and outside the Church. Furthermore, a study by the Institute for Family Studies found that in the United States, about one in four highly religious couples reported experiencing intimate partner violence in their current relationship.” These findings underscore the critical need for increased awareness, proactive intervention, and support systems within Christian communities to address and prevent domestic violence. 

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And leaving it to women to fight the battle against abuse just isn’t enough. So … what if we changed the narrative? What if, instead of treating abuse as a problem for women to manage, men took ownership of the violence that exists within their own gender? What if godly, humble, and dedicated men stood up — not to seize power over others, not to control or coerce “better behavior,” but to model Christ and challenge other men to live lives of integrity?

A Gospel-driven call to action

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to something greater than passive indifference. The Gospel compels us to bring freedom to the oppressed, to love others as Christ loved us, and to actively seek justice. Scripture does not call us to neutrality in the face of evil — it commands us to take a stand.

  • Proverbs 31:8-9 says: “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
  • Isaiah 1:17 commands: “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”
  • Micah 6:8 reminds us: “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Yet, despite these clear mandates, many Christian men remain silent when it comes to abuse. Worse, some minimize, dismiss, or excuse it, treating it as a private matter rather than the systemic, sin-fueled crisis that it is. Silence in the face of abuse is complicity. And when the Church protects abusers rather than exposing and removing them, it denies the very heart of the Gospel. In the words of Desmond Tutu, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”

Confronting the pornified mindset

One of the greatest obstacles to men speaking out against abuse is the normalization of exploitation. The pornified style of relating that saturates modern society teaches men from an early age to see women as objects rather than as full human beings equally created in the image of God. It rewires the brain, erodes empathy, and fosters entitlement. When men are conditioned to see women as consumable, they are more likely to struggle to see abuse as a serious moral failure, because they have already dehumanized the victim in their mind.

This is why Jesus took such a strong stance against lust. In Matthew 5:28, He declares, “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Christ’s words cut to the core of the issue: the problem is not just external actions but the internal mindset that justifies them. If Christian men are to truly address violence, they must begin by rejecting the entitlement and objectification that pave the way for it.

What real leadership looks like

True biblical leadership is not about dominance, control, or self-preservation. It is about sacrificial love, humility, and a commitment to protecting the vulnerable. Jesus never used His power to exploit or harm others. He did not shield the powerful at the expense of the weak. Instead, He overturned tables, rebuked hypocrites, and extended grace to the broken and abused.

Christ did not use His power to uplift Himself. Instead, He set an example of using whatever power we have, as a tool to uplift and empower others. Philippians 2:5-7 says, “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” 

In Matthew 20:25-28, Jesus was clear about His expectations for us to reflect His humility — “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave — just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” 

Want more evidence that this is how we are called to live? Read Luke 4:18-19, John 13:12-15, and Mark 10:45, too.

Men who claim to follow Christ will do the same. They will be the ones holding other men accountable. Men who value their calling to lead in action will be the ones who take initiative to challenge the normalization of violence, call out misogyny in their own circles, and refuse to stand idly by while women and children suffer. And they will do this not out of a desire to gain control but out of a deep, Christlike love for justice.

Integrity in daily life

Abuse is not eradicated through grand statements or public declarations. Safety is established in how Christ’s followers conduct themselves in daily life — at home, on social media, at work, and in church. How do Christian men treat their wives, daughters, sisters, and female colleagues? Do they speak up when they hear degrading jokes or dismissive comments about women? Do they challenge friends who excuse abusive behavior? Do they ensure that their churches are safe places for survivors rather than havens for predators, even if the predators have been their friends?

The litmus test of our faith is not how loudly we proclaim our theology but how we use our power in relation to those who have less. Do we lift the vulnerable, or do we enable the oppressor? Do we reflect the character of Christ, or do we reflect the brokenness of the world?

A call to courage

The time for silence has passed. The time for half-hearted apologies and surface-level reforms is over. Men who truly follow Jesus Christ must take up the mantle of responsibility against abuse — not just in words but in action. This means refusing to excuse toxic behaviors, refusing to defend unrepentant abusers, and refusing to perpetuate systems that silence survivors.

It means living out Micah 6:8 in every aspect of life. It means choosing integrity, choosing justice, and choosing love. It means refusing to turn a blind eye when others are suffering. It means recognizing that the greatest mark of a man is not how much power he can wield but how well he can reflect the humility, kindness, and righteousness of Christ.

Jesus called us to bring light into the darkness. The world is watching. More importantly, God is watching. And we will all be held accountable for what we did — or failed to do — when faced with the suffering of the most vulnerable among us.

Want to learn how to make your church a safer place? Bring your leadership team to the Safe Church Conference: Addressing Sexism and Abuse in Christian Community, on March 7-8, 2025, in Brevard NC.

Sarah McDugal is an author, speaker, abuse recovery coach, and co-founder of Wilderness to WILD & the TraumaMAMAs mobile app. She creates courses, community, and coaching for women recovering from deceptive sexual trauma, coercive control, and intimate terrorism. 

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